Only Ever You by Siobhan Davis

Author:Siobhan Davis [Davis, Siobhan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-02-27T18:30:00+00:00

CHAPTER 25

Zeta

Ryder is outside grilling steaks while he chats over a beer with Micah and Garrett. Scott, Linda, and their little boy aren’t coming now until tomorrow morning, so it’s only the four of us for dinner tonight. I’ve prepared a green salad, fresh slaw, sweet potato fries, mashed potatoes, and a cheesecake for dessert. Ryder came inside every so often to check if I needed anything, but I shooed him away, telling him to enjoy the sunshine with his buddies.

I feel lighter after our talk, and it’s definitely helped to clear the air. I’m not yet in the place where I can hope for more with him, but the layers around my heart are already melting. It felt so natural to kiss him, to be back in his arms, and I was sorely tempted to let it go all the way, but thankfully, I came to my senses before things escalated.

If I’d had sex with him today, it would be no different than any other encounter, and I don’t want to do that to us. The past I share with Ryder is unique to him and me, and if we find ourselves back in that space again, then I’ll happily let him take me to bed, but I want him to make love to me. We’ve both been using sex as some kind of crutch, and if I’d let him fuck me today, how different would it really have been?

I know he was disappointed, but I believe we need to step back and take things slow. I can’t go charging headfirst into a relationship with him, until I know it’s what I want, and I’m still so messed up over everything. Professing my love is already a big step forward for me, and maybe it wasn’t the smartest decision, but I meant it when I said I wanted to be honest.

We’ve admitted we both still have feelings for one another, but that doesn’t mean anything’s changed or that we’ll end up back together. I know Ryder wants to go there, but one of us has to be level-headed about it, and I guess that task falls to me. For now, I’m happy to have him back in my life as a friend. We’re both different. Older and supposedly wiser. And we’ve a lot to catch one another up on. The most I can hope for right now is renewing our friendship, and that’s what I’m going to concentrate on.

I call Garrett and Micah inside, asking them to help me carry the food and dinnerware to the seated area outside. We’re eating on the ground level at the beautiful patio area, which overlooks the pool and gardens.

When the table is set, Ryder plates the steaks, and we sit down to eat. A soft, balmy breeze wafts around us, and I take a minute to enjoy the view. Ryder’s house is stunning, and the height of luxury, but I’ve been surprised at how homey and comfortable it is. I was expecting

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